I'm not a natural pray-out-loud kind of man. Growing up, prayer meant a quick blessing before dinner and whatever got said in church on Sunday. It wasn't until I started facing this transition, really facing it, that I understood why people write prayers down instead of just hoping the right words show up when they need them.
I wrote this one for myself, on a morning when the right words weren't showing up. I've prayed some version of it most weeks since. I'm putting it here in case you need words too, and your own haven't shown up yet either.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6-7
That's the instruction. Here's the prayer that came out of trying to actually follow it.
A Prayer for This Season
Lord, You know what this season is doing to me before I've found the words for it myself.
You know the mornings I wake up unsure what I'm for now that the job isn't telling me. You know the quiet pride I've been carrying around a title that's about to stop meaning anything to anyone but me. Forgive me for how much of my identity I built on a paycheck and a business card instead of on You.
I don't want to spend these years pretending I'm not afraid, so I'll just tell You plainly. I'm afraid of running out of money. I'm afraid of running out of purpose faster than I run out of money. I'm afraid of becoming a man my grandchildren are polite to instead of a man they actually want to be around.
Take those fears. I don't need You to erase them today. I need You to be bigger than they are.
Teach me what it looks like to work with my hands open instead of clenched around what I used to have. Show me who needs what I've spent thirty years learning how to give: my time, my attention, whatever wisdom actually turned out to be worth keeping.
Give my wife and me a home that still feels like it's headed somewhere, not just a place we're waiting out the rest of our years. Let us laugh more than we did when the calendar was full. Let us be more present with each other than the job ever let us be.
And when I do reach the end of this season, whenever that turns out to be, let it be said that I finished the way I mean to start: paying attention, showing up, trusting You with whatever I couldn't see coming.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Why I Keep Coming Back to This One
I don't pray it word for word every time. Some mornings I only need the first line. But having it written down means I'm not starting from nothing on the mornings when nothing is exactly what I've got. If you're circling this season yourself, I'd invite you to pray it as it is the first time, and then let it become your own after that. It was never really about my exact words. It was about actually bringing the fear into the room instead of managing it alone.
God bless, Paul
God bless,
Paul